


Love Lost and Found

by quirkygirl242



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Grief, Pete's World, Reunion-ish, Time Tot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1265371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirkygirl242/pseuds/quirkygirl242
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor manages to make his way across the void to Pete's world, but what he finds nearly ruins him.  Will he be strong enough to be there for those who still need him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still mainly focusing on finishing Neither Here Nor There, but this plot bunny jumped out at me and I had to get it written. I really had no choice in the matter. :)
> 
> It's a bit rushed and not edited nearly as much as I would like, but I wanted to get it out there. I'll probably go back and revise and polish once I have more time. Thanks for reading!
> 
> *Now slightly more edited

The Doctor laid on the TARDIS grating and was glad Martha wasn’t here to see him gasping for air with the wind thoroughly knocked out of him.So much for respiratory bypass.He took a moment to regain his senses and his hearts sped up when he realized what he had just done.He took only a moment to look inward checking for injuries and when he found none, he leapt up with far less grace than a Time Lord should usually exhibit.Darting around the somewhat smoking TARDIS console, he swung the monitor around to frantically run a scan.  

“Did we do it Old Girl?Did we do it?” he murmured as he waited for the data to pop up from the scan the TARDIS was running on where they’d landed.

“Ha!” he crowed feeling lighter than he had in months as the readings came back.They’d done it.Impossible.He had said it would be impossible, but with a little help from Jack and a few months of scavenging, his beautiful, magnificent time ship had broken through the void.“Oh you sexy thing you!” he barely restrained himself from kissing the monitor - the TARDIS didn’t appreciate him griming up her screen - “And now to find our girl!”

The TARDIS hummed happily in his head as he left for the world full of zeppelins beyond.He grabbed his coat from where it had fallen off a coral strut onto the grating and stepped out, finally closer than he’d ever thought he’d be.His tongue shot out, letting the extra time receptors help him calculate the year.Usually he could do such a thing with just the receptors in his nasal cavity, but it being a different universe and all, he needed a little extra sensory input.

He frowned slightly at what he found.Over three years.That was far longer than what he was aiming for, but he supposed with the risky nature of the trip to this universe, he should just be glad it wasn’t three-hundred.He shivered at the thought.No, three years after Rose was first trapped here would have to do.He couldn’t wait to see the fantastic life she had built for herself in that time.Well, not too fantastic, he hoped.He was rather fixed on the idea of bringing her back home to their proper universe, but he knew it was ultimately her choice.She’d choose him.Of course she would.He’d finally get to finish that sentence and they’s be together and it would be…fantastic.He’d already come so far, everything he wanted now seemed down right inevitable.

Time sense aligned, he took in where he was.It appeared to be in some kind of park.There was a large duck pond sprawled out before him, lined with a dirt path and several wooden benches.Farther on, there were a few grassy hills and a small play gym to the left.It was a beautiful afternoon, a Thursday he catalogued, and the park was full of young mums and toddlers.Not a one of them seemed to be the least bit bothered by the large blue box that had just materialized into existence in their midst.

Judging by the accents of the park-goers, he reasoned he was in London, or near enough.Brilliant!That meant he was close!He contemplated heading straight to Torchwood - Rose would probably be at work, it being a weekday - but figured the Tyler manor was a better choice since he already knew where that was and it wasn’t a secret organization that actively avoided detection.Surely Jackie would be around and she could point him in the right direction.He surprised himself at the warm feeling that came over him at the thought of the brash woman who had once slapped him silly.No, it was just likely the excitement spilling over that soon he would have Rose in his arms again.Her hand in his, traveling in the TARDIS where they belonged.

He set out, letting his senses guide him towards the mansion that was once a setting for a violent Cybermen attack.He hoped that those brutal memories had long since been replaced with plenty of happy ones.Christmases, and birthdays, and oh - a little brother or sister for Rose.He smiled.He would very much like to meet the the little one.Probably always busy raising hell like the stories Rose and Jackie had told of Rose’s childhood.Oh, he couldn’t wait!

As he got closer, the anxiety that had previously been pushed down by the excitement of it all began to slowly build within him.What if Rose’s life was so fantastic that she had moved on?After all, that’s what he had wanted for her back when he believed impossible was well, impossible.What if she hadn’t meant what she said that day on the beach.Those beautiful words he had played over and over in his head as he’d try to carve out a few hours of sleep during the TARDIS’s night cycle.What if it wasn’t true and she only said it because she knew they’d never see each other again.She had to know that he…and maybe she just said it out of pity? No, he shook his head violently and a fellow pedestrian shot him a wary look before continuing on.Because he had already known long before she said the words.She had shown him her love in small movements over tea, her patient reassurance during his dark moods, and in their last months together, she showed him exactly how she felt every night as they lay intimately together, a tangle of limbs, sweat, and soft moans.No, she _had_ loved him once, and he was sure they could recapture what they both thought had been lost forever.If he believed in one thing, he believed in her.

One hour and forty-three minutes later he stood in front of the Tyler mansion, having bypassed the front gate security with a few whizzes of his sonic screwdriver.He reminded himself that Rose likely wouldn’t be home, but he still all but trembled with anticipation.He took a deep breath and it was like the pause button had been lifted to blur into fast forward.He ran up the stone path to the elaborate front door, and didn’t even bother to knock before sonicing himself inside.He breathed in and, oh, he could smell her!It was faint, so maybe she had moved to her own place, but still there and it was more than he’d had in months.  

He was shaken from his basking at a sharp intake of breath coming from the doorway to the living room.

“Jackie!” he beamed, “Did ya miss me!?!”

He wasn’t sure what he had expected, maybe a slap, or worse, one her wet sloppy kisses, but it certainly hadn’t been her bursting into tears.

“Er…” the Doctor ventured somewhat at a loss.

Jackie just stared at him for a moment, silent tears streaking down her cheeks and her mouth opening and closing like she was trying to speak.Finally she managed, “Oh Doctor.Oh you bloody alien I -”

“Yes, yes, I know.Turns out it’s not so impossible to cross the void after all.I’m, well, I’m sorry.But if you don’t mind, and as you can imagine, I’d really like to just go see Ro-” he was cut off as a blonde little girl walked into the room on unsteady, toddler legs.Her eyes met the Doctors and he suddenly had to rely very heavily on his respiratory bypass, because those were _Rose’s_ wide hazel eyes looking up at him curiously.And for the first time he noticed a tentative little mind brush at his own.She was…she was his - his and Rose’s…It had become very difficult for him to think.Or stand.So he gave in and slunk down to the floor until he was on his knees and closer to the child’s height.

“Hello,” he said softly with both is mind and his voice.

The little girl’s eyes widened before she darted behind Jackie’s leg.After a few moments she peeked back at him and mumbled, “Hewo.”

“What’s your name then?” he managed to ask.Now that he had found his voice, he realized there was so, so much that he wanted to ask this perfect little girl in front of him.But he reigned himself in not wanting to scare her.He could sense their relation almost immediately, but it had been centuries since he had been around a time tot and he wasn’t sure if her senses would be developed enough to recognize him yet.And oh, if she had been living among humans, she may have never felt someone in her mind before.He hastily pulled his mind back and set up extra borders he hadn’t had to use in years.

“No!” she shouted and toddled a few steps towards him.“Back!” she insisted pointing to her head.

“Alright then, I see you got your mum’s fierceness,” he chuckled.Slowly, he let his mind reach out to touch hers once more.The little girl smiled widely at him, something else he saw she got from her mum.

“Her names Abigail,” Jackie filled in.Blimey, he had forgotten she was there! “But usually just Abby.”

“Abigail,” he murmured the name and felt it’s perfection.“Oh that’s lovely.” He spared a smile for Jackie and then focus back on…back on his daughter.

“How old are you Abby?” he asked, again using his mind and voice.

She showed him a picture of a chubby hand holding up two fingers.

“Sorry Doctor, she’s usually not this shy,” Jackie said to him.And then to Abby, “Go on love, tell him how old you are.”

Abby looked up at Jackie and that right there was definitely _his_ ape dribbled on your shirt look.

He laughed heartily.Oh this was - this was a right miracle.

“Oh she did!” he chirped happily.At Jackie’s confused look he explained, “in here,” as he pointed to his head.

“Oh right, Rose had said she might be able to do that.Not that we’d know the difference, being humans.” Jackie replied.

“Must have been hard for her,” he said sadly, “to be that small and have no one there.I should’ve…I should’ve been there for her.” Oh bollocks was he going to start crying?In front of Jackie?!

“Don’t do that to yourself, sweetheart,” Jackie grabbed the little girls hand and walked up to him so she could pace her other hand on his shoulder, “You’re here now.Rose always said you’d come someday.”

“Did she?” he mused eyes still fixed on his daughter, “But you’re right.I’m here and now, we’ll be a…a family.”And yep, there was definitely a tear tracking down his cheek.He brushed at it, swallowed thickly and allowed a wide smile to grow in it’s place.

“Abigail Tyler, do you think it would be alright if I gave you a hug?”

The girl smiled back, her shyness seemingly fading and toddled the few steps into his open arms.He hugged her to him tightly and cherished this moment he never thought in a billion years he’d be able to experience.Not wanting to overwhelm her, he pulled back and held her two small hands in his.“I’m very happy to meet you Abby.I think we’re going to have the very best of times.”His daughter giggled.

“Right!” he stood up to address Jackie and Abby both, “Time to see your mum, I should think!”

The little girls eyes lit up with excitement, “Mummy?” she asked hopefully.

The Doctor was surprised to hear a strangled sob come from Jackie and looked up at her sharply.Instead of returning his gaze she kneeled down and scooped up the little girl, cupping her face with one hand, “No love, no mummy.” The little girl’s face fell and something icy started brewing in the doctor’s stomach he didn’t want to acknowledge.“How about you go up to your room and play with your new ponies while Nan talks to this nice man, ok?”

The girl nodded obediently but still looked rather glum.With a last look at the Doctor and a brush against his mind, she toddled up the stairs and disappeared to a room beyond.

“Jackie?” the Doctor addressed the woman but it sounded more like begging than a question.“Jackie, please.Where’s Rose?Please, Jackie?Tell me where Rose is.She’s at work right?Defending the Earth at Torchwood.I need…I need to see her.Please.” 

“Oh sweetheart,” was all she said.She just took his hand and led him through the mansion until they were looking out the back window.He followed her numbly, his brain shutting down to try and save him from the puzzle pieces that were cruelly fitting into place.

“See the thicket of trees, up on that hill,” Jackie pointed out and the Doctor nodded wondering how he could hear her speak over the ponding of blood in his ears, “That was Rose’s favorite spot.When we were first trapped here, she would trudge up that hill to get away from it all.Needed time to sort through her thoughts alone, I think.Although sometimes Pete or I’d bring her a cuppa if there was a chill out.And then with the pregnancy, well it was rough on Rose, but she still made it up there a few nights a week.She told Mickey she felt closer to the stars up on that hill but we all knew what she meant was closer to you.So when,” Jackie’s voice broke and it took her a moment to compose herself and continue.The Doctor squeezed her hand, perhaps too hard, urging her on despite his dread at what she would say next. “So when we lost her, I thought that’s where she would want to be.Close to the starts, closer to you, but still near enough so we could visit.Her little girl should always know that she had a mum who loved her very much.We go every sunday to set out flowers.Abby’s too young to understand of course, but someday she will….” Jackie trained off.The Doctor felt his world crumble as his worst fears were concerned.He was too late.

“It was the pregnancy,” it was a statement, not a question. “Natural Gallifreyan births were risky even for Time Lords.That’s why we loomed offspring on my planet.But for a human…for Rose,” he took a deep breath and this time didn’t move to wipe at the tears slowly leading down his stubbled cheeks. “I’m so sorry Jackie.I said I’d always keep her safe.I never knew…if I had I would have never…I’m so sorry.” He ducked his head so he wouldn’t have to look Jackie in the eye.What had he done?

“Oh none of that now!” the grief on Jackie’s face morphed into determination, “She said you’d blame yourself.You’d think that’s what she’d want?”

“We’ll never know,” he shrugged already taking steps to retreat away from this, away from the rushing tide of pain that would sweep him away if he didn’t start running.

“Don’t you dare, you bloody alien!” The Doctor looked up questioningly at Jackie’s suddenly fierce tone, “And don’t look at me like that.I may just be a simple human, but I know that look of yours and you’re not going to shove it all away.You’re not going to run.Not this time.” 

The Doctor stuttered for a few moments at Jackie’s accusations, “I’m not…I wasn’t…” then anger rose up, a welcome distraction from the pain.He was a Time Lord, mighty, brilliant, and ancient.Who was this old woman to tell him what he could and could not do?! “Well why the hell not?!” he yelled in a tight voice.

“Because there’s a little girl who needs her daddy!” Jackie nearly bellowed back.

The Doctor didn’t know who was more surprised when he found himself collapsing to the ground, unable to hold back the thick sobs that came all the way from the bottom of his chest.He couldn’t be angry at Jackie and he wouldn’t run.All that left him with was pain so deep he wondered if he would ever really be able to breath again.

“Oh love.” Jackie murmured sympathetically.She knelt down next to him and took him into a bear hug as if he were a child, not a nine-hundred plus alien. “I know.I know.I miss her too.But oh, that little girl upstairs…she’s something to live for, I promise you.She can be a right pest, throws tantrums that could start a world war, and bites through skin like it’s rice paper, but oh, she’s brilliant and curious and has more love to give than I’d ever thought possible from someone so young.She’ll love you to pieces in no time, you’ll see.”

Jackie continued on with story after story of his daughter’s life until the Doctor’s quaking had dulled to slow, shaky breaths and he found himself chuckling along with Jackie, his grief still monstrous but making way for wonder at his cheeky little girl.They both drifted into silence for a long moment before he broke it with a quiet, “Thank you, Jackie.”

“Cuppa?” was her only acknowledgment and he found himself thankful for her not dwelling on his - whatever that just was.

“Yeah, that’d be great.Thanks.” He smiled at his would-have-been-mother-in-law.

“Right, there’s biscuits and cake on the counter.Feel free to help yourself.I know you like your sweets!Abby does to, God love.I’ll get the brew going,” Jackie not so gracefully pushed herself off the floor and headed to the kitchen.

The Doctor sat where he was a moment longer wondering at the strength of one Jackie Tyler.It if couldn’t have been him and Rose, he was so glad that Jackie had been the one to raise his daughter for her first two years.He supposed Pete had something to do with it as well.Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself up using the side of a nearby sofa and looked out quietly at the thicket of trees where his precious girl now rested.The tide of grief swelled up and he pushed it aside for later.Jackie was right.He had a little girl who needed him and he had to hold himself together no matter how much pain he was in.  

With that thought he wiped at his damp cheeks until they were reasonably dry, took a grounding breath, and went to follow Jackie into the kitchen.They had much to discuss and he wanted to get it over with so he could spend some more time with the little girl upstairs who he already found himself missing.

 

 


End file.
